Friday, September 19, 2014

Help my unbelief

Levi had what I hope will be his final visit to the hematologist today.

I say "hope" because that's about all I did. I found it much easier to ask others to pray. Pray for full and complete healing, pray for lab results that show his blood is back to normal. Prayers that I, of all people, should be praying.

But I realized, as we drove home from the hospital, just how tiny my faith is. I want those things for him. Desperately, more than I want anything else right now, I want a full recovery for my son. But I seem to have lost the will to pray for it. The truth is, I doubt that my prayers will be answered. And I don't want to be disappointed if the answer is "No" or "Wait."

So I put out my plea for others to pray. Because even as I listened to the words of a familiar song and felt the truth of them in my heart, I asked myself, "Do I believe that?"

"Every fear has no place at the sound of your great name
The enemy--he has to leave at the sound of your great name...
The sick are healed and the dead are raised at the sound of your great name
Worthy is the lamb that was slain for us
Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up
And all the world will praise your great name!"

I have seen the work of the Great Physician firsthand. And the bottom line is this: when Levi's recovery from this incident is complete, it will be God who gets the glory, God who worked through nurses and doctors and lab technicians and surgeons and physical therapists and everyone else who played a role in this, God whom we will speak of when we tell this story for years to come. I pray--with faith barely the size of a mustard seed, I admit--for today's visit to bring the answers we want to hear, and to never have to hear the word "hematology" again. 

But if it doesn't, God is still on the throne, and He is still to be praised. I will wait in hopeful, eager anticipation for the words "fully recovered." But if God is glorified in the good, why should he not also be praised when times are hard?
"In the day of prosperity be joyful, and in the day of adversity consider: God has made the one as well as the other, so that man may not find out anything that will be after him." - Ecclesiastes 7:14
So pray with me--and, please, with more confidence than me--that this would all be behind us soon. Pray that God will use this to strengthen us, to teach us to lean more and more on him for the big stuff as well as all the little details that can seem so unimportant. Pray for miraculous healing. God is able!

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